I've stopped trusting in people since god knows when. Trust in my family is so undeserving.

I've stopped making new friends unless they talk to me, stopped taking the initiative to talk to people, stopped confiding in people, stopped telling people what happened, stopped everything related to trust. What a person have I become? I've been let down by the people I trust my whole life. I don't even know why can't people be purely nice because when someone's nice, they always have an intention. I don't know why people can be so unforgiving. I don't know why some people can continue to step on your slippers/feet just because they don't want to say sorry/because they want to pretend not knowing they have stepped on them. I don't know why people don't want to queue up for the bus but want to get onto the bus. I don't know why people have to cut my queue every morning when I take bus to school. I don't know why people have to lie to you so that they can make business. I don't know why people would let others wait for them for hours without informing that they won't even turn up. I don't know why people don't want to attend lessons but want to do well. I don't know why people want to be happy but don't want to smile. I don't know why people want to cheat but don't want to improve themselves. I don't know why people laugh at others' misery. I don't know why mothers can abandon their children knowingly. I don't know why people can murder for money. I don't know why people can hurt innocent people for pleasure. I don't know why people who cannot find a good career become teachers and ruin ten thousand of students' academics. I don't know why people insult the weak. I don't know why people discriminate the difference. I don't know why people are so unkind to other people who aren't as blessed as them. I don't know why people can't put themselves in others' shoes. I don't know why selfish people accuse others of being selfish. I don't know why we have a national flag because no one lives up to the expectations of it. But I know why people smile and laugh even though it wasn't even intentional.

I don't know why my family lies to me forever. I don't know why my family lies to each other.

People who don't have to remind their parents their birthday are lucky. My family never cared until I started reminding them. Not like I had presents any year. Do you even know the feeling of being so small in a family so big? Do you know what it feels like to go home happy but end up sad in the middle of a meal alone? Do you know what it feels like to sit in a table with 11 other people but was never included in the conversation?

I wished my grandfather never smoked, because he'd still be alive, and he'd change everything that had gone wrong in the past 16 years.

If you had a room full of soft toys and bears you talk to everyday, you'll find that stuffed toys are more comfortable to be with than humans whose twisted hearts will be a human error to trust.

You all could buy private properties. You all could buy foreign properties. You all could take my red-packet money to buy shares. You all could tell me I could go anywhere I liked, but you all wouldn't give the full approval when I asked for it.

Typical thing that happens to me..
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Final? No.